Is It Me, Or You, Or An Antelope?
The word “you” acts as a container. It holds the actual you, plus my perception of you, plus whatever parts of myself I project onto you. When I use the container–when I say or think “you”–I make no differentiation between those three, and so I am never aware of referring to one or the other. It is all just “you.” No wonder I become confused about who you are.
During a visit to Wildlife World in Phoenix, I found myself taking portraits of the animals rather than just snapping photos. I was looking for something in their faces, particularly in their eyes. What is in there that I can see, that is available to a human?
At first I thought I saw a kind of sadness, or perhaps a dullness, but that seems an obvious projection; what I would experience if I were them.
Look at the photo of the camel below. What is that expression? Playfulness? Disgust? Maybe it is merely, “Hello there. I’m a camel.” Maybe it is just something a camel does to amuse itself. Does your answer belong to the camel or to you?
This thinking was spurred by observing animals, but I am more interested in what we do in our perceptions of one another. Those perceptions influence our relationships in profound ways. A guru in the field of perception–John Weir–explained to me that we cannot avoid projecting our own experience onto others, so it serves us and them well when we are at least aware that projection is going on. When we are aware in that way we are in a better position to avoid misperceiving others.
We can ask ourselves something like, “Is that person really sad or am I recognizing myself in his or her face, gestures, body language.” My own propensity to project became very obvious while watching people in dialogue on an Italian street corner. They often looked to me as if they were arguing when in fact they were not.
Weir also explained that the more self-aware we become the better we become at recognizing what is going on in others because our projections will have a better chance of accuracy. The better I know me, the better my chances of reading you. Of course, it is always best to check our perceptions/projections by asking questions like, “Are you angry (or whatever)?”
The stream of my projections seems more easy to observe when I watch animals. I have no experience of being a zebra, camel, rhinoceros, or antelope, and I don’t hang out with them. So it is far more probable that whatever I believe their experience to be is, instead, my own experience of the moment or a remembrance of my own experience–in other words, a projection.
My apologies in advance if I just ruined your next visit to a zoo by turning it into an exercise in self-awareness instead of just a pleasant outing with the kids.
Tags: animals, Language, Perception, Phoenix, Photography, wildlife, Wildlife World, zoo
This is perfect, Dick. You make all the points about us humans and our propensity to project without it becoming too serious. The photos are terrific. I won’t be able to go to the zoo without thinking in an amused way of this simple/complex thing you’ve highlighted in our relationships.
But why stop at animals? Heck, for me, when I’m out in nature, I’m talking to stones, trees, the ocean as if they were all living entities — and telling stories about them as if they were characters in a novel –my novel, of course, the one about me. Maybe the best place was the Grand Canyon, where a friend of mine said it felt to her as if no matter what you put out there over the magnificent depths, winding passages, and rich sunset colors, it would come back to you ten-fold.
It was an easy thing to feel. I’ve painted that memory and hung it on an interior wall.
The beauty of projections is in their capacity to serve as mirrors. What I disown and displace onto another person or creature or thing is something sometime — in this lifetime or the next — I’m going to have to reclaim as my own. I look into the face of my own sadness, resistance, violence, pettiness — and also another face: greatness, grace, sympathy, and the serenity of which we are all capable.
Dick, what you wrote is so good and so true. As a relationship coach I deal with this all the time. The woman who wonders why her boyfriend is not in love with her, when really she’s not in love with him. Or the man who thinks his wife is vindictive and angry, while he’s projecting his mother onto the wife. Or the single man or woman who goes out looking for a mate and ends up in yet another relationship with the same person just in a different body, because he or she didn’t see the real potential partner, but only a projection of what they wanted to see. I make it my personal mission to help clients pull away the veil of projection as much as possible because how can you see clearly if you are projecting. But boy, some people are very invested in believing their projections are real. Personally, I have been working for 20 years to tear away all projections and sometimes I have clarity and sometimes all I have are my projections – but at least I know it and that feels like freedom.
Dan — Thanks for adding the bit about projections’ “capacity to serve as mirrors.” When I wrote the post I was thinking relationally. Appreciate the gentle nudge to think internally as well.
Rinatta — Boy! I’ll bet you deal with projection! From the view of a “perceptionist” like John Weir, “how can you see clearly if you are projecting” doesn’t make sense. He would say it is ALL projection and the best we can do is be aware of that and hope our projections become more and more in line with reality by getting to know ourselves exceedingly well.
From that perspective, “If you spot it, you’ve got it!” No matter what “it” is.
I love the angle at which you come into a discussion on projection, Dick.. Using the animals makes looking at this issue more accessible and acceptable, at least for me. It’s a short hop away to seeing how I do this with humans! Most of all, I appreciate the more interesting and playful way you convey the importance of self-awareness. All in keeping with a lighter touch on the personal development theme. Cool pictures!