Riding On Dragons

Ask

In a recent note on Facebook, Jodee Bock wrote, “ASK is a great acronym to remind you to ask for what you want. Ask and it is given; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened for you. Ask, Seek, Knock. Each of those words reminds us to take action in the direction of our dreams!”

Jodee’s note reminded me of a story I have told many times. It seems worth repeating now.

It was a during a weekend leadership seminar in Northern Ireland. The dozen or so participants were owners of small to medium sized companies, senior managers from a major corporation, and assorted others including a Catholic nun. The seminar was part of a business school’s Master of Science in Leadership program. The man who directed the program noticed that his students often failed to ask directly for what they want—not good if you desire to lead. He asked me (I was leading the seminar) to address the issue.

We sat in a circle and discussed the difficulty of asking for what you want, the whys and hows of doing so, and then I suggested that we practice. The first few people to speak asked for what you would expect.

“I want new accounts for the business.”

“I want more energy from my people.”

It was the nun’s turn. She said, “I want someone to give me a house.”

The group was stunned by the direct, specific request. It seemed very improbable: who gives houses away? It also seemed audacious and absurd! A few people laughed; others smirked.

The man sitting next to her asked why she wanted a house. She explained that she wanted to set up a shelter for mothers and children who needed a temporary place to live.

He told her, “I have several houses that I need to get rid of. You can have one; two if you want them.”

The company for which he worked had purchased a property on which it intended to build a manufacturing plant. There was a row of abandoned houses along the edge of the property. He was given the task of renovating and selling them. He was offering to give her one or two newly renovated houses.

For the second time in just a few minutes, the group was stunned. But now there was no laughter and no smirking.

The exchange between the man and the nun was a dramatic demonstration of what we had talked about during our discussion: that you have a much better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it, and if you ask in a direct and specific way. Also that doing so is an indicator of strength rather than weakness: the others then recognized her request as an act of courage.

Go ahead. Ask. Ask whoever else might read this. Use the comment link below, and remember to be direct and specific.

P.S. I don’t have any houses to give away.

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Tags: ask, asking, Shifting Energy

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 7:58 am by Dick Richards and is filed under Leadership, Reminders. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

12 Comments

Jodee Bock says:

November 5, 2009 at 9:46 am

I’ve heard you tell this story before, Dick, but it’s such a great reminder for all of us. What I really, really want is warm leads into organizations where the people are hungry for personal and professional growth. I have so much to offer by way of speaking, coaching, training – I just lack warm leads to match my talents and skills with their needs/wants. I know that together we can achieve amazing results!

So that’s what I’m asking for! Thanks for the opportunity!
Terrence Seamon says:

November 5, 2009 at 9:53 am

Great story, Dick. Thanks for sharing it. I will be pointing others to this blog entry.
Terry
Terrence Seamon´s last blog post…Emotional Engagement
Gallimaufry says:

November 5, 2009 at 10:23 am

Would asking for love be too non-specific?!
Gallimaufry´s last blog post…A forest reverie…
Dick R says:

November 5, 2009 at 10:32 am

Geetali — I think it would be too non-specific only if you have something more specific in mind.
Fred H Schlegel says:

November 5, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Dick, This is a keeper. I find the difficult part of asking directly for something specific is often just knowing what it is that is really wanted. Same thing in business. A broad request for more business forces some other entity to discover what kind of business you may want. Focusing on a specific account, specific sale, specific job forces you to do the thinking beforehand.
Fred H Schlegel´s last blog post…The Increasing Cost Of Bad Behavior On Innovation
Dick Richards says:

November 5, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Great reminders Fred! So often I know I want “something” — something is needed but I’m not clear about what that is and so asking goes unanswered. It is the same with interpersonal questions. Ask a general question and you will get a general answer. “How are you?” “Fine.” Not much communication taking place there.
zak zaklad says:

November 6, 2009 at 8:06 am

nice story. suggests that we as humans do have an inherently cooperative and generous side.
Merrill says:

November 6, 2009 at 8:34 am

I loved the story. My credo is “if the worst you get is ‘no’ it’s worth asking. Why do we wrap our egos around the word no?
Love Coach Rinatta says:

November 7, 2009 at 9:51 am

Dick, I love this post. I have been thinking about it for days now, since you posted it and wondering what I want to ask for.

Then yesterday, while printing something I very much needed to print, my printer died. It’s a very frustrating situation, because I seldom print and can’t justify buying a new printer, but do need one when I need it. So what to do?

That’s when you post came to mind and I realized I could ask the local business community if anyone had a used printer they had just replaced, that is perhaps just sitting in a back room and collecting dust. I could do them a favor and take it off their hands and I would have a printer.

I put out an email to the local business group asking for just that. 3 minutes later my phone rang and my beloved business coach was on the other line. She said she has a brand new printer, in a box, that she’s been trying to get rid of and that no one wants. She said she even took it home, trying to see if perhaps she could use it at home, but they already have all the printers they need. Do I want it? Well, yes, thank you very much!

And that is how yet again you have given me a gift with the magic power of your words!
Love Coach Rinatta´s last blog post…Relationship Patterns: how the past still runs you
Dick Richards says:

November 7, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I have nothing to add to your story Rinatta, except to offer many thanks for taking the time to tell it.
Antonia says:

November 7, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Thanks, Dick, for this Beautiful post, and most excellent reminder!

I am ready to be using my creative talents and abilities, working for and with people I Love and respect, in a great location, and earning good money!

I sense it is already on its way, for which I am so Grateful!

Blessings to you
Antonia´s last blog post…Standing at the Crossroads
Dan says:

November 9, 2009 at 9:37 am

I love stories like this, Dick. They remind me that not everything can be explained. And that we are welcome to participate in that.
Dan´s last blog post…The Water Gourd